Eric's Hour of Glory
by adversary2113
Summary: See what happens when Eric gets a wish from a genie. Oneshot.


Eric's Hour of Glory

This takes place just after the episode " The Drift".

Usual disclaimer, don't own 'em darn it.

Rated T for language

Eric is taking a walk on the beach. He stumbles over a lump that makes an odd noise . He digs it out and it's a multicolored bottle, just like the one on the old show "I Dream of Jeanie."

Eric: " Hey , it looks like the one from that genie show gramps watches on WGN. Wonder if there's anything in it?" He opens is and there is a loud farting noise.

Eric, looking startled, sniffs the air: " Hey, that wasn't me!"

A silvery cloud flows out of the bottle. A short, dumpy heavyset female figure emerges in an outfit like a an Arabian genie, all in pink and red.

She's smoking a cigar and bears a strong resemblance to Benny from George Lopez.

Genie: " About time! I've been stuck in that bottle since 1969. Bad year, good position. I knew I should have got a new stopper for that thing. Never buy a used bottle kid."

Eric, goggle eyed, : " What the heck are you?!"

Genie. Looking at him like he's an idiot: " I'm a genie, moron. Don't you ever watch WGN? They based her on me."

Eric: " She was a lot better looking than you."

Genie, folding her eyes and giving him a hard look, :" Are you sure you want to insult someone who planned on giving you a reward for letting her out of a bottle she'd been trapped in for forty years?"

Eric, smoothly: " You're beautiful. You have the sweetest disposition, a great personality…"

Genie: " Ok, you definitely kiss ass better than the last people who opened the bottle. Ok, what's your poison?"

Eric, aghast: " Poison? I thought I was getting a reward."

Genie:" Man, kids sure have gotten stupid in just forty years. What Do You Want For A Reward?" she emphasizes each word.

Eric: " Send me and the rest of us home!"

Genie: " Kid, I'm just a third class genie; hell I didn't even get my genie GED. Anything I can do will only last for an hour. Now, I could send you home for an hour, but then, you'd come right back here.

Eric paces for a minute, then snaps his fingers: " I've got it!"

Genie: " What, the clap? Just tell me already . I've been in a bottle for forty years; I'm ready to go to Disney World."

Eric mumbles a quiet answer to the genie, who cackles in appreciation.

Genie: " Just remember, it only last an hour. Then, no more power."

Eric: " All I need is one hour." He grins wickedly.

With the same farting noise, the genie disappears.

***************************************************************

Eric walks back up to camp, Daley is there with a disapproving look at him.

Daley: " Enjoying a nap under a tree again? We need water Eric and that's your job, remember?"

Eric grin at her and speaks: " Drop dead."

Daley collapses without a sound.

Eric: " Whoa, it works! This is gonna be fun. Daley, get your dead ass up."

Daley comes too. She looks at him confused. " What happened?"

Eric feigns innocence as Nathan comes up; he's unaware of what just happened.

Nathan: " Dude, water. We need it so we can make supper."

Eric ; " Go screw your self."

Nathan, a horrified expression on his face, starts to drop trou.

Eric, hastily, " Oops, this story is rated T. Nathan , freeze."

Nathan stands there frozen, his pants at half mast.

Daley : "AHHH!! How are you doing this?"

Eric: " You're not so smart , shit for brains."

Daley drops again; green fluids leak from her ears.

Eric jumps as Lex screams from behind him.

Lex: " Day! Nate! What did you do to them? Fix them!"

Eric : " They were being assholes. You're an asshole too Lex"

A human sized anus with a Hartwell hat appears where Lex was.

Eric looks disgusted. " Oh, you're not an asshole, you're a baby."

Lex reappears as a two month old baby.

Jackson runs up. He look at Daley, Nathan and the baby.

Jackson:" Stop this Eric. Put 'em back. I'm warning you." He raises a fist.

Eric: " I've been itching for this: Hood rat!'

A large rat , with blond highlights appears where Jackson was.

Taylor and Mel appear.

Eric: " Ah, now it's time for Emperor Eric to get his grove on."

Taylor: "In your dreams .Kiss my ass."

Eric: " There's an idea. Taylor, kiss _my _ass."

A blank faced Taylor walks around and kisses the seat of Eric's pants. She then straightens up.

Taylor: "EEWW! Why did I do that?'

Eric: " Must be my animal magnetism." He grins.

Mel: " Fix the others Eric, you're being so mean."

Eric: " You ain't seen nothing yet. Watch this!"

Eric gives out commands:

"Daley, you're a bitch" : enter Daley the blood hound, baying at Eric.

"Mel, since you squawk so much, you're a hen." A black feathered chicken appears.

" Taylor, you're an airhead." Taylor's head swells up and she stars floating into the air, bobbing in the breeze.

"Nathan, you whine so much and worry so much, you're a little old lady." Instant sex change later, Nathan is an eighty year old with spectacles and a cheap floral dress on. His hair is white, but otherwise the same.

"Jackson, you're a jackass." Jackson turns from a rat into a braying ass.

Baby Lex cries our; Eric turn his attention there.

Lex. "You're a smart little monkey." Presto a monkey with glasses and a graduation cap and gown on appears, clutching a diploma with ACME on it.

Eric is about to get worked up when the farting noise can be heard. Genie appear.

Eric : "What's up, I still have time."

Genie " Sorry kid. My magic permit expired while I was stuck in the bottle. I gotta turn the magic off or get a ticket ."

Eric: " But I was having fun." Pouts.

Genie: ' Oh, the fun'll start in ten seconds. When they go back to normal."

Eric: "' I thought they wouldn't remember any of this."

Genie : " I never said that. Don't believe everything you see on TV kid. Good thing I can still go invisible. This is gonna be the most fun I've had in a long time , watching them turn you inside out without magic."

At that moment, every one goes back to normal. They look at one another.

They look at Eric, who is already backing away.

Daley ' Get him!"

You can hear the genie's laughing as they all head off running after Eric.


End file.
